In My Sister’s Mind – Not that Valentine Matters

14 February. Each and every year the 14th of February is never a good day to her. All her friends are now married. 12 years has passed by now, since she has finished University. Time seem to be moving at a break neck speed. She feels she is fighting a losing battle with age. Her friends are already fed up with celebrating their marriage anniversaries. She has also become tired attending birthdays of her friends’ kids. Whenever she sees the kids dressed up for kindergarten she always feel jealous. She has everything she ever dreams of in life, cash, lavish lifestyle and a nice mansion. All what is missing in her life is a soul mate. Maybe not that a man matters in a woman’s life – but maybe because the society expects her to have one.

She has the brains and beauty, but it seems no man can notice this bevy of beauty. As days pass by she became very anti-social. She is no longer that active on her Facebook account. She feels ashamed, that her friends will keep on checking on her about her marriage plans. The usual girlish talk on checking on whether she has found any cute dude. She now hates those puerile giggles and gossip.
All what she also wishes for is to have a man. Just like any other woman. A man whom she can call her own. A hubby who bring her roses on Valentine’s Day. A man whom she can lean on, cry over in the darkest of moments in life. Whenever she see others hugging – she realises there is no-one there to hug her. She also feels the strong desire and craving for a hug. Whenever she see lovebirds – she feels they always have their valentine 365 days a year. She also feels very jealous.

Societal pressure is affecting her emotionally, socially and psychologically. It seems the society is there to judge. She has since stopped going out and hanging out with friends. Whenever they go out, her friends keep on talking about their husbands, kids and how maids always try to seduce their husbands. They always talk about how to handle men who are infidel. She has since become fed up attending Kitchen Parties. She always feel out of place, unloved and lonely.

She can feel the vibrancy and steam of youth hood running out of her. Every year during valentine – she can feel the pain of loneliness, the solitude and the cold emptiness in her heart. She can see the lovebirds clad in red going for romantic candlelight dinner and popping champagne bottles. She only crave, wish and imagine. Every year during valentine day she always drive home fast – to escape the sight of the red coloured city and its lovebirds.The roses, dresses and the kisses always make her feel sick. She always rushes home to lock her door from the inside and throw herself onto the pillow – without even eating. At times she cries until her pillow becomes drenched and soaked in tears. At times she attempts to read the Bible but she always fail. She is now devoting her time to charity. Whenever valentine day reaches, she now goes to the Orphanage with some small groceries and roses.

She now celebrates her Valentine in style not that she loves Valentine Day….But just at least to escape from the reality, solitude and loneliness. I see her, I feel her, and I reach out to her. I also imagine what is going on in her Mind. I can never be in her mind but at least I can imagine what she is going through.

A true story based on My Sister – whom I wish and pray for that she will find the man of her dreams. Nobody is ever too old to be loved.


4 thoughts on “In My Sister’s Mind – Not that Valentine Matters

  1. This is sad. I wish you would have a heart to heart talk with your sister, to encourage her and lift her up. Marriage is good, but she should not close the door on herself, for the lack of it. I pray that you or maybe your parents could be her anchor and support her in every way so that she enjoys life.

    She can join groups that do not focus on marriage and children; charitable groups of interest to her where her worth would be noticed. I wish her all the best.

  2. I have so much to say that I am struggling to condense it. Society places a lot of pressure on women to marry sooner rather than later. Once married, you feel pressured to bear children. You feel pressured to make your marriage work no matter what the cost. All of these things are beautiful things. Love, a healthy marriage and children. But the very same things are cast in an ugly light if all your other achievements are ignored because you don’t have those three. It is sad that society places this kind of pressure on a woman. It is even more heartbreaking that women place this kind of pressure on themselves. I wish we could snap out of it but its a culture that has been built and reinforced over years. One must make a conscious decision to side-step the pressure otherwise it will make you crazy. From what you write it seems it is taking its toll on your sister. Rather than hanging out with only married people, I would suggest she hangs out more with people she has more in common with. Perhaps she could pick up a hobby. Perhaps she should step out of her comfort zone and travel more (both outside and within the country). While you wait for love (and it will come), don’t stop living. The irony is it is only in living that you will open yourself to finding love. Noone will come and find you behind your closed door and there’s no point in wasting the time you have while you wait for love in darkness and self-pity.

  3. Thanks for such detailed analysis,when i look at my female friends,sisters,aunties – i also feel the pain,solitude, loneliness and the effects of the societal pressure on them. i share their feelings and pain,i feel for them,i always imagine,if i was a woman,maybe i would be in the same predicament.its only unfortunate that society
    has chosen to label and alienate them.

  4. @ Gift, it is really good that you understand the situation, it is just society that is making your sister’s life miserable. But I can guess that she is more happier than 80% of now a days married women because most of them are not happy with the marriage institution. But because it is what the society value the most they prefer living in bondage. My advice to hear is let her take her time and make use of the best of this life

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