I miss her,because she is gone…

The days were unusually dull,long and boring.I could not concentrate at work.All i wished was for the day to end so as to rush home and feel the warm routine hugs from Charity my wife.This usually happens to many newly-weds.We were still enjoying the times of our lives together.The first days of marriage life.Charity could not concentrate with the domestic chores as she also felt the same.Love was in the air, we could do literally everything together, from bathing to shopping.Charity liked shopping to the bone, she could wait for me so as for us to go for shopping together during the Weekends.On Sundays after Church we could visit friends and sometimes we could go to play golf.This was made possible since i had a fatty bank account.A young graduate,with a fleet of vehicles ,nice house and on top of all a beautiful ,charming and loving woman.She had stole my heart.Charity! Charity ! she was the best.The only unfortunate thing amongst us was that we were both young and adventurous.We were lovers in a dangerous time. All the same we were a happy couple.This happens to every new couple.Happier days are always rosy,but with the passage of the sands of time events usually turn topsy-turvey.Today,i can reminisce and recall Charity’s remarks,when she used to say “Sweetheart nothing will ever seperate us,you are the flesh of my flesh” So goes sweet nothings in love.This is what every partner whispers to his/her partner when you are in love.Such words ignites flickers of the fire of love.To me such sweet nothings managed to re-ignite the embers of love that were burning in my heart.

In no time i got promoted at my Company.This also meant that more cash,more fun.But as they say women always want to associate with cash,young ladies started to aveil their availabilty to me.They literally flocked to me. I grew up in a Christian family,were my mom could wake me up at 5 in the morning to do some household chores,before leaving for the synagogue.Remembering all my christian upbringing,i tried as much as possible to resist such temptations of infidelity.But with the passage of time Lloyd managed to convince me. ‘Everyman is doing it,so why you? Do you want to be a living testimony of a paragon of virtue,epitome of perfectionism?’

He went on to cite living examples of numerous men who had extra-marital affairs,which he termed ‘small house’.Lloyd’s example was  the last straw that broke the camel’s horse.I could not resist,such piece of advice.Also bearing in mind that we had been close friends,i always knew that when ever it came to the end,Lloyd was my pillar of strength.He was a kind of a person whom you could count on when the going gets tough. He was one of the nice souls around, a rare and endangered specie in the days of our lives when caring and loving people are few  and rare to find. To this end,i took up his advice.

Events started changing in our lovelife. I started  picking arguments with Charity.”This is not good for our lives Gift”,she could say.By then we had two children, Gift (jnr) and Mildred. But like someone who had become possessed with a demon/evil spirits i turned my ears against my wife.I started coming home late,for i had found comfort in the hands of another lover Cynthia,a young University student.The happiness that once overflowed in the house became missing.I also started drinking,until i a became a prisoner of the bottle.

Our lovelife become so cold,we stayed together whilst we were miles apart.Some days i could come home at midnight and in some days i never came home. This was the beginning of the end. I could see Charity crying ,but i never bothered to comfort and soothe her. We slept under the same roof,same bedroom but  our souls were thousand kilometres apart.She thought about the children who could not enjoy the presence and existence of their father.Charity became more prayerful,for she had found sanctuary and solace in the bible.As for me i had found that sanctuary in the bottle and in Cynthia my newly found love.

The bottle became man’s best friend.I bonded a close relationship with the bottle.When ever,she tried to touch me and reach me i denied her that right.As of today,i now know that the greatest sin you can commit to a woman is to reveal rejection,lack of love and compassion.Some poets say women are like flowers, their beauty needs to be appreciated.Some even say,they are like children,whilst some argue that they  even need more attention ahead of their own children. All this i denied my dear Charity,for in my heart i only felt the presence of Cynthia.

We stayed together but i had left her  a long time back. All this ate and reached the core and marrow of Charity’s heart,but all the same who cares. She became a pale shadow of her former self. What only kept her going was the attitude of a Mother. She would say ‘I will stay for the sake of my Children’. (meaning Ndinogarira Vana vangu).

After close to 10 months of such a conflict,the worst happened in our lives.Charity send all the kids to her aunt’s place on a Saturday evening.She remained alone at home. As of today i have come to the realisation that you can only see the importance of something when you miss it.When to Live is not an option Death is an option.Its so PAINFUL……..Charity decided to take her life on the eerie Saturday night. A loving,dedicated and strong soul was lost.I wished she had stayed longer to see her children growing up,i wish i had whispered words of love in her ears.I wish i had loved her till natural death claimed her.I wish i had repented,i wish she could have lived,i would have one day come HOME with some flowers,kneel down on the carpeted floor and ask for forgiveness.

The only consolation i have comes from my children. When,i see the children running in the yard,when i look at Mildred i see a striking resemblance of Charity.Whenever,i miss Charity i look at my young daughter and tears uncontrollably ooze out and run down the contours of my cheeks.One day amongst the other days,i know i will join Charity and if given the chance i will still ask for forgiveness. Often the voice of Conscience whispers and often we silence or ignore it,but in the end ,we have to pay.Sometimes we pay dearly,with the lives of our beloved ones!! Inside my heart i have kept a little box of memories that i have created about Charity,i wish God will grant me the strength to raise the kids and see them growing.


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